Who builds a village near a place called 'Felltooth'. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here, Ernie, that this wasn't your idea.
Because, living near the 'Felltooth wood' should set of some warning bells in your village's population. But when you live between Felltooth Wood and Felltooth Mountain, Maybe you shouldn't be surprised when slavering wolf-things attack your village in the night.
Come On, People.
It seems only reasonable to me that if you live in Between-Places-Named-Felltooth-Village, you might have the foresight to cultivate Wolfsbane, instead of somehow knowing it grows out in the middle of the forest by the lake. I mean, you people have been there, obviously, if you know it exists. What was the reasoning here? "Well, if we ever need it, we know where we can send an innocent adventurer passing through town, through a two day hike into woods filled with the most competent and dangerous wildlife imaginable."
...
What kind of goblin sits in a tree waiting for people to climb up to it. This can't have worked for it before. It had the brains to speak perfect common though, and offer me a sob story before it tried to stab me. Unimpressed. Still, satisfying crunch when it hit the ground.
...
Cabin in the woods, Nothing of note. Clearly, weren't paying heed to the right God of civilization. Oops.
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Beginning to confirm suspicions about locals - Must be something in the water. Shepard accosted me, to insist I help look for his magical sheep. Yes, Magical Sheep. Why do you let these people exist, Ernie?
...
Finally, I encounter the dumb creatures that they always urged you on with stories about in the Academy. Bugbears proved to be unworthy foes, smote pretty soundly, although I had to cut a bridge while their buddies pursued me. Hopefully, this won't cause any karmic trouble for me in the future. Still, tangling with the Goblinoids did make me wonder - As a holy warrior of Civilization's splendor, why couldn't the academy find anything besides a rusty dagger and some broken chainmail to send me out to spread your word with? One would imagine that, for a Deity concerned with the progress of cities and technology, we could manage to at least match the equipment carried by a savage barbarian when he leaves his tribe. I am beginning to wonder if this entire ordeal isn't leading up to some sort of punchline...
...
Mood: Satisfied.
Here's what my job should be like, everyday: Rooting out those trying to corrupt our wonderful modern societies for their own perverse benefit. Came across a caravan in need of some serious inquisition, what with how obviously the whole group was under magical sway. A junior-League cult leader seemed the culprit, and despite the arcane know-how to put 20 some-odd caravan workers under his spell, his only magical talent was to run into the hills and somehow elude a warrior of order like myself. I guess tiny hillocks are going to be the bane of my existence for the foreseeable future.
No grand rewards, just a spare potion vial someone pulled out from under their pillow. The label says 'body-limbering-tonic', but... You know, mind controlled or not, some of these folks are sick puppies. Ugh, when does this doing your work thing start to pay off, Ernie?
...
Oh My God, Ernie, are you kidding me?
Apparently, Giant Enemy Crab wins over Modern Metallurgical Knowhow. Good thing I whipped out that trusty-rusty dagger, and stabbed the crab in it's weak point for massive damage, before it could do more than crush this awful armor in it's tiny, emaciated claws. Perhaps if the best you can give your Chosen is a heavily oxidated simple machine and tissue-thin metal clothes, it's no wonder there are so few Paladins of Erathis wandering the hills doing good.
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Urge to change horses and kowtow to Melora rising...
Why I am out here standing in the middle of a lake strangling snakes, I do not know. this is obviously not what I signed up for when I wanted to be one of your Champs, Ernie. I don't know what possessed me to think that killing snakes for these fishermen had anything to do with saving the villagers or bringing back fresh wolfsbane. It clearly wasn't because they were going to give me a ride to these stupid falls so I could get these herbs for a village full of idiots with no self preservation instincts.
...
Still a little dizzy. Stupid Snake venom. Stupid animal life. Stupid villagers.
Found stupid falls, which turned out to be enormous cascades of water hundreds of feet across. Something tells me the geography is suspect, but I have the damn plant. oddly, none of the incredibly dangerous wildlife or murderous goblinoids bothered me once I picked up a sprig of Wolf's bane. I may never get the hang of this adventuring schtick.
Arias's athletic prowess was up to the task and he was able to retrieve the wolfsbane. He proudly returned with it and saved the village. They will forever know him as a hero, and of course, rewarded him greatly.
Arias received 130 XP and 26 gold.
Arias received a Potion of Aptitude.
Do these people realize that I could have pawned my Holy Symbol for more money than their awful little village can scrounge up to thank me? I'm still wondering where the payoff is here Ernie. I trekked through the damn forest for two days, to save a village we'd be better off letting turn into werewolves, for pretty much nothing.
Still, I'm sure we all learned a valuable lesson today.
Don't build your stupid village between places like "Felltooth Forest" and "Felltooth Mountain", or Erathis will have to send some overzealous paladin to save your pathetic excuse for a civilization, for mere gold pieces on the hit point!
